Again

You put me down in the desert
and expect rain
set my feet
on a stony road
expecting smiles.

You tie me to the bow of the ship
cause you think I know the way.
End up sorely disappointed to find
when the storms over
there's nothing but decay.

Unfair
I don't want to be here
the ultimate treasure here
the ultimate reward here
nothing here.

Misshapen heads
greedy eyes
the living dead
walk besides us
slurping up whatever makes the pain stop
for a little while.

You know when you're light
then laden down with a heavy load
forced into slavery
forced to call your prison your home
you just want to hack through the bars
like I haven't done that before
but there's no way out.
mushrooms.

I guess I could drink a cup of religion
close my eyes
and let the fairy tales intercede
oh lawd washed in the blood of the lamb
my sins forgiven
and I stand before you clean
oh lawd hear this sinner
baptize me with fire o lawd
baptize me with the pure clean water o life.
But I would know it's partly lies
all the good stuff left out
til all was left was control
herd them sheep boys
the king needs a new coat.

Fuck.
Jesus said they'll all be back
but they'll forget
start worshiping gods no one recognizes
or ones that don't exist
we make our gods
paper dolls we cut and carve
with each thought
each desire
molding god into our own image.

I made no god.
Leaves me falling into an abyss
latching onto whatever is closest
to keep me here
where I never wanted to be.

Thinking of death, I can't help but smile
couldn't come soon enough
everyday i disintegrate
don't know how to be old
burn me while I'm alive
set me high on that funeral pyre
light the fuel and let the cascade
of flames encase me
melt me.
As smoke rises
flesh sweet burnt
can i blow away fast enough?
Where he can't find me?

One moment of peace
tendrils of smoke
sucked once more into the gaping wound
of life.
A baby cries
and I'm alive.
god dammit.