Thursday, December 29, 2011

Wha?

Snow pristine
trees gleam
reflecting sun
through ice
canopy
broken
by the weight of the white.
The path is covered
god smiles
with a knowing grin
coming to a point
just to start again
inside
sitting in a circle of
old letters
memories
i was there
and someone cared
enough
to let me know.
Burning
ashes as they blow away
nothing remains
except
recollection
remembrance
reminiscence
rocking chair. 
Drop the bomb
I'm so ronry
flesh melts to 
screaming skulls
what was your last thought
how could you?
blood runs into rivers
is best
the son
puppet
we will not stand down
did you think Kim would
leave loose ends?
from the grave
his arms are wide
and his circle closed
around the strings
all a dream
we just don't want to be a part
of your lie
save me?
would rather blow it all away.

da da da day

What do you come to say?
In ivory towers above the universe
talking to myself
beating sticks against
telephone poles
walking down the street
homeless fapping on the sidewalk
Koreans beat drums
with serious faces
raising the demon
or chasing him away?
The Chinese smile
beautiful painted faces
silken kimonos
dance on the belly of Buddha
nothing serious here.
The crone
twisted in white sheets
old man with long nails and no heart
white hair to the floor
the crabs
who grab
when you try to get it up
dragging you down
"don't you wanna be like me?"
don't you wanna run with me?
fuck it in a bucket
the pit's ripe
with the smell of sex,
blood, and sweat
and money honey
we'll fuck you with a 20 dollar bill
smile at me
while i take your soul
the toll
soul sucker revolt
can I get a signal?
reveal?
the rot
when the sweet candy
in your mouth
turns to dirt.
Roll your obesity
to the front door
peek out
laughing cars and eyes
The British
rotting teeth
beseech
you to open your eyes.
Broadband new land
the final frontier
Third world
big hearts love
left bitter and jaded
when the machine
rolls
rolls
rolls
rolls
drinks them
wiping the excess
from it's chin
leaving them with the shit
which was their dreams.
Pulls up it's tentacles
to devour again.

Cruise

Phlegm and vomit
morning sun
through the windshield
the sick feeling of overload
pressures of conformity
I am
a thousand decisions
with no resolution
a crack in the pavement
a blown tire
the happy road skips and smiles
laughing girls with translucent eyes
everything's going to be alright
just climb inside
having all the answers
I know I'm right
stay with me things are fine.
My host
parasite
by your side
turns the tide
learn to see with your eyes
forget I was ever alive.
Separate
falling
blackness
tunnels with no end
wearing the clothes of confusion
disarray
leather bonds on my wrists
ankles
4 horses of the apocalypse
chained to a dream
rip me apart as they ride.
Stars and visions
poisonous water
peels the fur from the animals
smiling in my sleep atop a grave stone
marked for me.
finally free.
Didn't mind at all.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

clock

All hail the fallen small man
all hail the red man
climbing ladders
bodies falling to the sides
step on each other
just to get high.
All hail the penis of the damned
small and asian
bald heads make for a great escape
if you just wanna get filled
for the man
with short guy syndrome.
Marching off to war.
"I stand before you now,
a free man.
Did the best with
my country my people
that little cache we won't talk about.
if any of it mattered
anyway."

I guess

I guess all the ones who loved me most
said my choices have already been made
my bed is laid out for me to sleep
no tomorrows
no freedom
But
I say no
my body to become
a wrench in the gears
of the black snake.
2184 miles
buddha smiles
the road is long.
What do I take?
Mainly this burning to awake
let my soul be free
throw it all away
refuse to believe
this is the only way.
On the side of the road
dead or dying
at least for once
I was alive.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Most productive

He would say it was most productive
as he sucked down his tea
in wooden chambers squatting
as the rose lay sleeping

and the stars ignored
poured another glass of whiskey
maybe took another snort
nothing to report.
I want to be a submarine
or maybe an airplane
Forget why I came
lose my name
and all the thoughts of what I should be.
a torch in one hand
a scythe in the other
under a red dot sun
world undone.
The black snake lumbers
oozing along
While the cat smiles
why so serious?
"we've been shedding his skin,
he's nearly clean,
but then he just makes another
got us hustling."
Somewhere there's a cabin in the woods
we can leave this all behind
but it would all just follow
no way escaping life.
We're all just a pin point prick
in the glorious hive mind.
know your role
do what you're told
help carry the load.
I'm not done apologizing I guess
for my one day clean
for my acceptance
satisfaction being me
for my bliss
to just be.

Cannibals

Make a steak take a break
I'll  split you up the middle
wear you as a coat
that's all she wrote
Why do I only get peace for one day?
The jackals are jacking
the hyenas are high
the wolf once again
howls at the sky.
Natives gather round the fire
hunger in their eyes
Two lines across their cheeks
grimacing smiles
feet getting a little toasty
time to fry.
She screamed and she begged
at the foot of the pyre
I told her I didn't know why she cried
it was all a lie
all my communications
cut off by a beacon in the sky
layering me encapsulating me
tainted desire.
There were five in all
a circle of truth
masked by metaphor
time to move
and you were there
and you and you and you
and the child alone with the dirty face
invisible to everyone
a soul misplaced
blood and knives
a sawing effect
drills and chills
What did you expect?
From cannibals in the night
eating flesh.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Castles

He said, there isn't enough time to finish
put my back against the wall
and sighed
she said, I own you now I'll watch you crumble
Today I am alive.
Standing on a mountain close my eyes
the fires once burning
now subside
those eyes burning through me
with their want to be
have walked on
I am alive.
All the connecting factors
the womb
the web
intricate patterns in star light
burn blue white now not red.
The demons have walked on must have
a better place to be
than here with me.
Mother fucking free.
Limbs, branches, cliffs, barricades
people on each
their backs are to me
long hair flowing
chains and smiles.
Something good has broken
and I want to stay here forever
in this feeling of bliss.
Head clear hands clean.
Nothing to be sorry for
no closed doors
no repercussions
for the wrong word said
immaculate understanding
of self.
Here at this time.

Free at last

Alone again inside my head
no snakes, no demons, no fear
no dread
Good thing I made the choice to run
it's not love
 it's the low down dirty
just gettin some.
It was fun.
Take the ports
heed the call
it don't come in
bam it falls.
Armageddon happened today
with a whisper
not a scream
climate shifted
perpetrate the dream.
God I'm happy and I feel so clean
but I haven't learned
from one mother fucking mistake
it seems.
It's not love
this burning hate
you just started the flood
opened the gate.
Mother fucking fate.
Which leaves me free
as work made me
souls crying out for liberation
subjugation for yesterday's sins
chain my body
in this skin
burn me down
just rise again.
"When's gonna be my time lawd?"
bring on the end.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Ode to Skippy

Ode to Skippy
instant best friend in a can
not a ghost or legend
or even a superman
Never fails to lift me up
to my highest potential
hope for the future
makes me wanna cry
those tears on the edge of my eyes.
At first I thought it was cool
moot clone; soap on a rope.
but I put all that aside.
Now I can tell you anything
you always put me right.
If  I needed anyone
right there by my side.
I'm happy you're successful
I'm happy you've met the one
unconditional love for you man
can never be undone.
I hope you think of me
when you're reading "goodnight moon"
I only want the best for you
no matter what you do.
I feel like a fucking Christmas card
positive action
positively
feels strange for me
I'm so used to too much negativity.
(I wish I could have built the bridge)
(I would have worshiped you with every breath.)
(You would have been my hobby)
(bonds only broken by death.)
You see how easily I'm willing
to give my soul away?
To any passerby
say hi.
I gotta remember I'm sacred
to everyone who cares
have put me on a pedestal
but it's lonely way up here
in my ivory tower of no escape.
Mother, friend, daughter
female absolute.
There is no "tits or gtfo" for me
sweet anonymity.
Anyway back to you Skippy
can't think of you and not smile
thank you for your advice
telling me to put myself first
if I'm not getting treated right
I wish I had a little bit of you in me
you are so smart
so careful with your heart

me? I'm just melting all over the place
no more ice
and I don't know how to deal.

Meanwhile on the other side of the coin...

You really think it's for the best?
No more splitting seams
No more ripped dreams
Feeling like I gotta rhyme
old times
I been there and back again.
How do you make a person?
Maybe a better question is why.
I'm so lost.
latched onto your way
till the path was opened finally
and I saw every turn and twist
get the fuck out of there quick.
Safe in my shell
a slow dwindling hell
The bat in your hand
a girl in glass
sleeping not so peacefully
Guess I should have talked
much easier to walk
and sort it all out in my head
write it down
cause it's what I do
Buildings bombed
walking in the apocalypse
could it be 7 or 12?
I bought a calendar the other day
and when the day was gone
I threw it away.
Would they have done it differently
in 1050 AD?
Don't think so
No miracles here
no days of doom
just an old lady 
hiding in her room.
Fucking with spring
waiting for summer
sleeping till noon.
I guess I fucked it up again
so self centered
it's all about me
and that shit gets old
wrapped in a blanket bitter and cold.
Buck up little trooper
when the door closes a window opens
the bars on my cell
now or later?
it would have been the same
the moneys gone
the road is long
i wanna run again
somewhere I've never been
live in the streets
by my wits
animalistic.
No more internet
No more tv
maybe I never had anything to say
anyway.

Burn Witch Burn

Finally got a reason to feel
and it's all tooo much
far too fucking real
for a wretched heart
slumbering in a cave
too much pride
muse me up
words will flow
hang me up
burn me down
twist me round
you're not a safe place to hide
but passion
exploding shards of light
exquisite pain
a burning flame
sex me up again
god damn.
burn me down.
I present you my mirror
a fiery flame
a screaming banshee
a demon with no name
out of control
kill the white horse
as I walk into the abyss alone
shattered into a million pieces
I've done it all wrong.
Mary in your dress of white
Slamming the door on the outside world
prison sex is the best sex
and I should know
work on your new time
look for your salvation
all you'll find here is rot and death
no victory dance
no 2nd chance
no flowers at the altar of love
Just retch and vomit
when you dive too deep
crawling on the belly of the snake.

Friday, December 9, 2011

yep7

It's all down to this bliss
leave me alone
let me disintegrate
let me melt away
I've nothing to say
The hag fag smiles through a whiskey glass
cheers to the pillow case
tied around your head
hiding your butter face
turn over and put dat ass in the air
prostate cum is the best one
or at least it's what they said in the instructions.
"I've always been mad."
I've created a construct of a life not lived
fiery bridges and smiling Buddhas
can you be my muse?
my sounding board?
Why did you feel the need to lie?
Honor and integrity
words to live by.
Dignity and respect
puff out your chest
there's only water here
gauging your need
responding appropriately.
Old news bad reviews
did you like my performance today?
Rate me on a scale of one or ten
a ten means
you were completely satisfied.
Protected? You make me laugh
that's not me that was she
I open the gates of hell
there aint nothing that can harm me.
Spread my wings.
She makes me whistle
she makes me smile
she makes me dance
she gets me high
never a sexual thing
just two souls interspersed
tangled in this dream.
God I'm tired
I just want to be old
without your mirror.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Catacombs

Mazes running
everywhere a dead end
lies and deceit
The coffee cups empty
summer time gone
the music plays on.
the need to apologize
is getting old
brazen hand on the sword
I have built you a man
now go and plunder with my light
I have built you a cause
to believe in with all your might
It's no accident
the way you stand so straight
illuminate your world
with the glitter of my sight.
Time is ticking quickly
drown inside my diamond eyes
time to light the fire
feel the embers burn
tie me up to your stake
witches witches burn.
How so quickly I can change it all
with one turn of my thoughts
perspective, rejected
i will always be alone.
He wants her
to want him
to want her
to want them
to be
me.
Charlie's got a gun
run girl run.

Oh fuck

Oh fuck I think I'm in love
kill me quick
i know better than this.
How to remember how to be
me without you
shouldn't be a hard thing to do.
fuck.
Struggle with the laughing girl
with the shiny eyes
destroy her quick
with your massive dick
and the chemical signature
you left behind.
makes me blind
wonder why
come up with nothing to say
it's all me
it's all me
it is all me.
Creating
perpetrating
fairy tales
conditioned to believe
anyone can save me.
Not happening.
Keep your god damn slipper
girls encased in glass
sleeping till finally
all hope has passed.
Smash the ponies Skippy
there's nothing to see here
all your dreams are needs
which can never be fulfilled
I'll work to make you mine
i'll build some castles in the air
i'll do that nine to five
walk the straight and narrow
just to know you care
and when I'm completely frozen
from all that needing to do
I'll look into your face
and know it was never you.
Just some chemical reaction
some great sex
some spit and polish
some cum in my face
the moment you gave me
where everything falls away.

Yep5

Flowers, sun, and joy
getting stomped by a muddy boot
Spread
the mud around
cleanse my soul.
"Sir can you spare a quarter?
a penny? A nickel? A dime?"
I seem to have lost my way
and I'm thinking I need to be saved.
Run through the woods
where Pan is exacting his revenge
to all the girls who never loved him
and all the places he's never been.
I am his bloody scapegoat
I I I I I i i i........
Wrap me tight
pull the barbed wire
reach your hand into my diaphram
pull out the rot
the hate
leave the gaping wound
sew me up nicely
I'll smile
dead girl walking.
Wrestling too long on the mountaintop
Giving blessings too easily.
We kept stating conclusions
concrete advice of what we should do
The ribbons of conversation
specks of dust in an endless universe
flowed; billowed
into the clouds of yesterday
snakes in infinity
the power of three
drowning in the illuminati
.Pan came and feasted at my table
while the rabble roused incomplete
contentment
to a dead god
an absent father
a tortured man
on the end of a rope
smiles at the camera
Sacrifice is for those who pray.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Cynic

Yeah, so, I see brown instead of gold
path of thorns full of pot holes
negativity
levity
brevity
seeds are sown.
How many times do I have to apologize?
Lock the gates and bar the door
shut out the sunshine
stamp down the whore.
Where did you leave the plan?
The blueprint
the code the ode the fucking one.
The reason the season karma dharma
and what the fuck?
Stand in front of my eyes wise one
with your head of fire
the way the energy flows
from me to you to the world
and back again.
4 ways to stay
4 ways to pray
4 ways to die a million times
and have enough light left
to light them all
with a spot a drop
of living water and fire.
Blessed are the ones who
Jew Arab White Black Anonymous base.
Understand.
Aliens in the outfield.
Screaming with their happiness
please don't crucify the messenger
though I'll climb that high
and ride that high till I'm dry.
I'm sorry you want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want
you want
How can you make a woman?
A rib a bib a pearl necklace
full of grace and divinity.
Rearrange her insides to suit you
and make her cry with the bliss resides
in her hides
the secret to be.
I'm sorry the watch is broken
I have no place to stay
I think someone hid the grid
master axer  chase her
they're coming for my vision
division
of man and waste
intestines drop
I can't walk
and you're still texting my number.
Hive mind rewind we've been here before Sam
loop de mother fucking loop.
Bring me a drink and I'll dance till I drop
to your majesty the king of my dream
and his suicide queen.
And I'll kneel and pray before the ocean of his dreams
and all those safe places to be
(don't hurt me)
Waves are washing and I'm back there now
standing beside listening to your call
on the waves the wind
I heard and responded.
What do you seek?
A moonlight dance with cats in a creek
moaning light into the dark
fucking the earth till I can't stand
the energy within
without my eye third wheel turning
the only way is up and out
or in and out
staring God in the face
in all his pieces and sparks
lightning
I'm sorry I wasn't a stat. A way to make it all better
in that gray place you want to stick my brain treadmill
hamsters suffocating on hot chocolate and free tea.
Take my skin, my blood, my bone
just leave my soul alone.
Did I mention I love beer?
She's screaming at me again
manipulate traits to sedate and maybe make a smile
can you?
Drink my bile in the cold icy dawn
bare feet bleed hepatitis c
and golden showers of shame
a white sheeted martyr wants the guillotine.
Make all my dreams come true
I know you can do it
In the early morning dark
in the I gotta fly
leaving you alone with a burning urge to meld
parasitic
alpha crush dance
(they're coming with their torches and pitchforks)
(kill the monster)
My hearts still beating
bring on the dirt.

yep3

Hey grandma can i stick it in your ass?
We'll make it all nice and lubed
unlike the guy with the glass
I wanna make sure
you remember me
the blood, the guts, the cream
Sugar in your coffee honey
life is but a dream.
Smoke another cigarette
fill another bong
wipe this shit right out of my head
the feelings now all wrong.
Paint a portrait of a love gone wrong
bits and pieces
knives and masks
handcuffs and master keys
my locks ancient
louis make a key
desert sands and dreams
candy, chocolate, and vaseline
make it all come true
with your eyes that cut me
every time you pretend
and you don't think I can see.
Curl up with your warmth
your beauty fills my eyes
with every thing I ever wanted
coming slowly
gently, with a hat and a cane
the soft way you say my name
when we're alone in your room
the world falls away.
Then I wake up
mirrors are a gateway
to triads dancing
this thing I gotta do
your hot sweet whispers
this tube of lube
grandma can i fuck you in the ass
leave my marks all over you?

Dreams

Hey Skippy tell me your dreams
and I'll watch from the sidelines
while she creams
to your eyes, your nose, the curls on your head
I'll forget why I'm alive
and stop wishing to be dead.
He came loaded with a shot gun
a sword between my legs
molten hot lava
somebody else's  scene.
His guilt destroys the mountain
and the happiness he can't feel
has become my bottom's up
trying to get to the real.
Will he stop pretending
this is what he wants?
His paper cut out moves
the crazy way he grooves
Makes me want to bottle up
the smell between my legs
he left me as a gift.
Play it down some
play it up some
play it sideways some
make me cum
with those crazy fingers
that mushroom cloud
the poison in the air
the way you make me laugh out loud.
Head down
but I know you can see
every part of me
you keep running
maybe I'll catch up.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Safety in Trees

The three
safety in trees
opening to the sky
again something I forgot to remember
They long for the ground
and all the things
needed to make a man.
Trying to bring me back
to a place I don't want to be
whining won't change it I guess
my lot has been thrown
might as well be happy
the masked man is waiting
the trap is set
just a few more steps
I'm all in.
Just wanted a place to hide
but nowhere to run
where there are no eyes.
Not so far in
I can't find the way out
Think this time I can resist
walking your fucking walk to nowhere
How to be strong
but not too strong
How to be soft
but not too soft
How to say enough
just not too much.
Malleable motherfucking clay
illogical stupidity
will I be 85
wrinkled beyond recognition
feeling this way?
God damn.
How do I turn it off?
There has to be a button to press
a shift in my mind
a new way of thinking
complete perception.
Maybe it's like being ill
you just gotta wait it out
do the opposite
of what you feel.
There is safety in the trees
but what do I do when I'm not there?

Happy places and Bull Shit

He was safe; untouchable muse
a light, a dream, low lying fog
across a swamp
tendrils of Spanish moss hung
from trees
the air so heavy humid
the frogs in the muck
resounding melodies
echo in the moonlight.
Machetes.
Whistles.
An owl hooting breaks the cabaret
top hat dreams of toads in streams.
Battle time
Battle Toads.
Done apologizing.
If I will dance then I guess I'll dance
with ice in my veins
ripping, shredding, matriculating
Take a walk with me through hell
don't worry I'll hold your hand
When you get lost
the only way up is down
bodies lying prone on rocks
on fire
Demons flying
always laughing
never anything to say
forgotten the way
Domes of light above me
straight through the triangle and out again...
Mother ship
ET fucking phone home.
Rats chewing on bones in paper streets
Pulled away by powerful hands from the skies
all that is real
taken away.
I've got sucked in again
God damn it.
So hard to free myself
a curtain is pulled back
the road is open
I refuse.
Your party hat your dredge
Anger is honest
hate is genuine
Love is a kaleidoscope of missteps
and confusion.
A groove, a niche
a place to put me
till you've swallowed your needs.
When the cloud is lifted
you lie alone
clinging to a chewed off arm
wondering what the fuck went wrong.
Disaster.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Amusing

You came with your hat and your gun
sweet smell of your breath in mine
your dopey smile
he came with his beautiful brown eyes
looking into mine
innocent
wanting so much to please
but now he's just the wind blowing
in the back of my mind
and a sadness I can't seem to run from.
He stuck his hand in my chest
pulled out my heart with his music
now I can't get away from the sounds
he left behind.
The revolution has begun
I hear the clamor in the streets
a stones throw from the house of the king
and queen who see the times
drink a glass of wine
in an iron-clad ivory tower.
Stronger by the hour
to destroy from the outside in.
I can only wait
send energy
hoping for the best.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Thank you

Everything seems so wrong
there's no where i can rest
grasping air
falling.
I'm not sure I should
but I see no road
no played -out- too- much rewind
Free to go in any direction
at this time just be
it's a lonely way.
Pole dancing on tombstones
in the cemetery at night
sacrilegious
but is anything really sacred anymore?
Cat dancing to the blood moon at midnight
la chaim
the wine tastes like deliverance
deliver me from the nothing I've become.
I'm sorry I couldn't be that person
the one you been counting on
I'm sorry I'm not perfect
and don't even care to be.
I'm sorry I didn't cross the t's and dot the i's
in my own life
and everything is falling apart.
but isn't it all just zeros and ones?
I apologize to an empty room
where's mirrors hold my judgement
the gavel,  the sound of my heart beating
the blood to my brain.
I am the nothing that is something
but nothing nonetheless.

Monday, October 31, 2011

I think

Who am I?
fallen.
Who am I?
whisper
What is the game?
Lost.
With the words said.
What's do you have there?
What are you holding so precious?
Sweet Gandalf and your secrets in the dark?
I have a dream I want to remember
it was something you're stealing
Raising up cattle for milk
to run from your mouth
overflowing
in boardrooms clapping
out the side of your mouth
speaking
tongue lolling over-consumption
time for sleep.
Duh. With the bottle out
because you've had enough.
My tits are dry
and I'm beating my children
In an alcoholic rage
because it was never enough.
But I raise my arms to the sky
black wings hidden
Who am I?
(The many among the few)
In rain swept streets at midnight
through the fog,
the desert sand,
swimming under the sea,
with the help of elephants and Indians
Coming for you.

Yeah

It all started with a desire to run
with the wolves
the sheep are baaing
and the rabbits are running
everything you want me to be is melting
into the rag shoes I tie on my feet
the shuffling homeless gait
the freedom in my eyes.
I'm sorry I couldn't abide
with your cogwheels turning
your sleeping black snake
and its crumbling house.
The woods are smiling
the sun calls my name
with every beam
breathes me into being.
There's revolution in the streets
screaming chaos
of butterfly wings
of gold falling into blackness
two sides of one coin
Marching feet turn the world
uniforms baying
to a bloody moon
the cat dances fully aware
smiling gathering forces
with a "i'll be by your side"
this time we
will not fail.

Friday, October 21, 2011

Sweet

Sitting in Spain
the happiest time
two face to face
looking forward to a better tomorrow
feet firmly planted into today.
Life happened
those people we used to be
got swept into yesterday
when I look into your eyes
there isn't a part you haven't uncovered
leaving me exposed to the elements; the wrath of your will
having given up a will of my own
to continued unity.
No way out of the picket fence
the flowers carefully manicured lawn
The faint brush of your lips in passing
"Baby how was your day?"
It was a morning noon and night
nothing more or less
having nothing to say
turning inward
devouring myself each time
you forget.
I have some rocks in my pocket
the stream runs swift
i've left you my ghost
this silent gift.
How beautiful you were when I first held you
how deep were your eyes
the crushing softness of our embrace
the way nothing else mattered
all a memory of another time.
I prostrated all that I was
to the omnipotence of your presence
but my god has clay for feet
and iron spokes
for wheels turning
all I have are grains of sand
between my toes
the heaviness of my dress
the weight of my boots
the rocks in my pocket
a will resolute.
Slyvia what is it you want?
I want to die.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

hmmm.....

Must find the spot the point
progress or destruction
they won't listen
they think everything that is
is
but it is not
the floods coming
creepy crawly creatures of the night
i call to them
go to higher ground
you see it there beyond the trees?
where the sunlight gleams on an open field
too dangerous
no too dangerous to stay.
I am with you moments
monkeys first
always first to sound the alarm
if you move they will move.
Your enemies are not their enemies
There is honey in the hives
sweet things glorious
follow the monkeys.
then the snakes will follow you.
The three
always back to the fucking three.
It's a very large thing to think
Mirrors and fantasies
I hear laughter in the trees
as they stare with their stony eyes
blindfolded
by their gotta do.
nothing.
I have nothing but if it's what you say about the quibits
is true it's doable
problem with housing them though
some kind of liquid maybe
paper thin streams
between the "yes" and "no"
stability is a factor.
Wanting to turn around and go out the window
fly into space
where it recedes into nothing which is everything.
crossing into what you cannot see
so you believe it is not there
maybe the universe is a big box
we are it's sides
and that's just the top
the blackness in which it recedes.
I hear the rabble of the crowd
there's cleanliness hopes and dreams
none of that for me.
I'm in a coma
lying in a bed thinking
brain's working
"I think therefore I am"
look at those waves yet empty
no signs of life
but breath and brain.
Nurses pass by daily
to administer their fluids
nope I can squash that fantasy.
writing, riding, high
and none of this shit
makes sense.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

hmmmm

it's closed now but 
the triad's dancing
the tears are on the edge of my eyes
but they're not falling
even though
you're on my mind
it's just a walk
and it all melts
away
if you want it to.

i commit myself to your needle
and the way
it sweetly tears my flesh
revel in the sun
revel in the mind
revel in the fact
i am my sun
stars
moon
one
among
many.

you want to hear a fairy tale
of sweet music in the night
how i followed you
to the ends of the universe
just to taste your tongue 
on my mouth
and to drown
in you

i did. 

then i awoke
alone
feeling my own flesh
and smelling my smell
and i was in love
how soft 
precious
and sacred
invincible
in my aloneness
timeless.

but your eyes follow me
and your presence 
surrounds me
i can feel your breath in my ear
your tongue on my cheek
no matter how 
i want you to leave
you cling
and pull
you dance 
seen before
stronger force
than any god.


a whirlwind 
tornado blowing
chills in the moonlight
his hallelujah
is my nightmare
of disappearing 
into you.


fighting
resisting
what if i fell
got into the pit
belly crawled
begged
at your feet do your best
the thought
makes me want to open my wrists
and bleed
till i couldn't feel anymore.


so the tears stay on the edge of my eyes
closed now 
into the universe
abides
stays
loving all
by loving no one
'come back down to earth'
she says
toes in the sand
when i'd rather stay in the clouds
blowing away into nothing


do you remember when it was easy
the light only stayed till 30
we were happy then
never had time to be sad
each minute 
cherished 
as they dropped all around us
we smiled 
waltzing in powder and paint
their concern
was not ours
we were untouchable
in stone and flowers
gardens
where no garden
should ever be
far from the cries
in the street
and the needing to be
then we sort of lost our heads
the many out weighing the needs of the few.
damn. adieu. 
it was fun while it lasted. 


i see you're making your way
with smiles
while i can't let go of the past
sleeping all the time
trying to get back
to something understood
failing to trust
i know what's best
failing to remember
it's just a dance, a promenade,
i can create, attract,
and bend;
to bring
what i need.


this time i don't want to
i'm tired of playing masquerade
tired of charades
tired of the 'toast before dying'
i carved your name into my wrist
to remind me
to be the wolf and not the prey
sweet rabbit run
very much strength
with very little effort
built the pyramids in a day.


i am a speck in all that there is
a dot at the end 
of a great design
with no design
chaos
well planned
with no plan
and the old man drives his car
past my window 
and i cringe
to be where he is.





Wednesday, August 10, 2011

sh

I wish I could pull out those files

bring back whatever was lost

find something in me

which mattered the most.


Cliche' death numb dumb lost.

Zombie, robot, walking talking undead.


I would strip my skin

to find what's underneath

but there's nothing there

it's all up here.


There was a pharmacy

a dimestore place to be

balls in cages

old men smelling of smoke and dirty jeans.


You look at me I see your eyes

for a moment

I'm in you

thinking with your thoughts.

There's always that sadness in the brightest smiles.

It resides just between the skull and hair

a band of memories

suppressed.


The old man walks by

I am a moment's glance

forgotten stance

not even tucked away.


But through his eyes

I watch him walk to his truck

there are many things to be thankful for

beer and a chair all that i need.


In the store there are many things

red. greens. browns,

Growling monsters behind the counter

who are you?

that you should want?

My reds my greens, my browns?

Nothing.

I am nothing.


Air flowing into space

with no substance

touching everything

touching nothing.

family pulls me along

as i stumble fumble fly.


Around a square table

booth style red tuffed with brass buttons

the poison of dripping green beans

and the litany of what is and what was

and why and because built a story of words

i was forced to live by.


That is because it is and it just is

No. It isn't.

I am the wind and I can read your mind.

Strange eyed and scraggly

unkempt hair and running with mangy dogs

all with men's names: ralph george lance

always something in the field important

to see to do

and the dogs knew it too.

Felt the energy of the trees

and the song of the grass

how the flowers looked at you

hidden secrets in a field.

bones and running streams.

Then you blew your bugle horn

and brought me in.


To wooden desks and a thousand eyes

soft pudgy legs

bows and lace

each with their own square table told

what is what isn't this is this this is that

the way you should be.

each one thinking they'd had it all

figured out because they had been told

exactly

confident eyes, downcast eyes, scared eyes

for the ones who hid

while the plates flew and the angry voices

put them in their place

no where when or why must create

their reality piece by piece without reference

with a base many builders can build

the easily led.



sh

I wish I could pull out those files
bring back whatever was lost
find something in me
which mattered the most.

Cliche' death numb dumb lost.
Zombie, robot, walking talking undead.

I would strip my skin
to find what's underneath
but there's nothing there
it's all up here.

There was a pharmacy
a dimestore place to be
balls in cages
old men smelling of smoke and dirty jeans.

You look at me I see your eyes
for a moment
I'm in you
thinking with your thoughts.
There's always that sadness in the brightest smiles.
It resides just between the skull and hair
a band of memories
suppressed.

The old man walks by
I am a moment's glance
forgotten stance
not even tucked away. 

But through his eyes
I watch him walk to his truck
there are many things to be thankful for
beer and a chair all that i need.

In the store there are many things
red. greens. browns,
Growling monsters behind the counter
who are you?
that you should want?
My reds my greens, my browns?
Nothing.
I am nothing.

Air flowing into space
with no substance
touching everything
touching nothing.
family pulls me along
as i stumble fumble fly.

Around a square table
booth style red tuffed with brass buttons
the poison of dripping green beans
and the litany of what is and what was 
and why and because built a story of words
i was forced to live by.

That is because it is and it just is 
No. It isn't.
I am the wind and I can read your mind.
Strange eyed and scraggly
unkempt hair and running with mangy dogs
all with men's names: ralph george lance 
always something in the field important
to see to do
and the dogs knew it too.
Felt the energy of the trees
and the song of the grass
how the flowers looked at you
hidden secrets in a field.
bones and running streams.
Then you blew your bugle horn
and brought me in.

To wooden desks and a thousand eyes
soft pudgy legs
bows and lace
each with their own square table told
what is what isn't this is this this is that
the way you should be.
each one thinking they'd had it all
figured out because they had been told
exactly
confident eyes, downcast eyes, scared eyes
for the ones who hid
while the plates flew and the angry voices
put them in their place
no where when or why must create
their reality piece by piece without reference
with a base many builders can build
the easily led.



Monday, August 1, 2011

Not about beer

I love you. 
You make me happy two at a time
I would move heaven and earth
just to have you near me tonight.
but you're here and I have 12 of you. 
12.I feel like a mega god

just all to myself. 
Shit now my mind wanders to mega nerd
his lips curl up in a triangle 
where no triangle should ever be
he carries his lowdown opinion 
with his head down and the back of his neck showing
surrendering to decapitation.
Guillotine 
sorry dude but that is so 17 century.

As above so below
so inside so without.
No he said I'm a litany of innovation
with a brain to build a monument to my misgivings
in here 
all energy
you don't know me.
take away my body
and I am Einstien world government
and god watchmakers and imagining the real.

Sorrry I stepped into your universe
but at first I didn't care to care
because it was an ugly universe
and all I felt was pain
and hours minutes days a waiting game
to step into the new.
No they smile with their keep warm carry ins
and it's okay you know god takes care of everyting girl
you just put your life in gods hands and ask the forgiveness of the lord
accept jesus christ as your personal savior
and you can fuck up as much as you want
and get away with it
he is building his mansion and in it there are many rooms.
the universe shatters into so many compartments
Would you provide the carry in if I told you
it's all a lie we are and will always be pure energy?
I always liked green bean casserole.
Hmmm...so many universes so many stacked top to bottom in quadrants
paper thin 
I see them in my mind all it's all connected yet separate
geometric lines in the form of an incomplete prism.
Big debates with my uncle Charlie
he was a staunch fundamentalist christian.
I told him after he dies to contact me so I can say 
I told you so.
I see him every so often with wisened eyes and a bit of a smile
no one likes to be duped
but hey i told him so.
Oh btw he's dead, sort of.
There is no cease to be there is only change
from one form to another
even a nuke
would just change one thing to something else
nothing ever really disappears
its just not there 
ha ha which is actually a place.
Think about not there
the opposite of there which is a place
therefore not there is actually a place to be too.

I can see not there 
look you can see it too
it's empty and not there.
SO universe expands out to no where or not there
if there is a center of all the universes 
it would just be pulled back to the beginning which is
a single dot of massive energy.
but where is the center?
and what force could cause a reflux or bringing back?
It would have to be something unheard of.
Not centrifugal then just pulled back through
hmm maybe through every worm whole the universe would 
continually be pulled and pushed
to where it did not contract
but just folded into itself like a cardboard box.

hmm i think more like a clay ball
where the worm holes sucking and pulling
each universe into a massive block
they don't quit causing connections
till the push and pull continues in a loop
making a large blob which disappears into itself.
what if?
what if?
what if?


Why can't I wear an apron and smile?
make delicious dinners
open my door
love and respect
with something to believe.
Do the dishes and relax in front of the tv
everything in its place a place for everything.

I guess it's cause I'm insane I guess. fuck.




This has nothing to do with beer

she

 Where did the orchid go?
Please get me off your mind
I'm chained by your wants
your places to be.

I don't want to go there
it's raining here
the water cascades down the wall
across the carpet and pools
into koi ponds with rocks and reeds
the frogs have started croaking
the music fills the room.
Then the stream flows through
and I try to dance but the wooden desks
are crushing me day by day.
I am so wrong.
nothing i think is right
The dragon is here
wrapping his red spiked arms around me
crushing and drooling
demanding
he knows better I shrug him off.
but the mirrors never stop
and I can't look myself in the eyes.





Wish

I wish I could pull out those files
bring back whatever was lost
find something in me
which mattered the most.

Cliche' death numb dumb lost.
Zombie, robot, walking talking undead.

I would strip my skin
to find what's underneath
but there's nothing there
it's all up here.

There was a pharmacy
a dimestore place to be
balls in cages
old men smelling of smoke and dirty jeans.

You look at me I see your eyes
for a moment
I'm in you
thinking with your thoughts.
There's always that sadness in the brightest smiles.
It resides just between the skull and hair
a band of memories
suppressed.

The old man walks by
I am a moment's glance
forgotten stance
not even tucked away. 

But through his eyes
I watch him walk to his truck
there are many things to be thankful for
beer and a chair all that i need.

In the store there are many things
red. greens. browns,
Growling monsters behind the counter
who are you?
that you should want?
My reds my greens, my browns?
Nothing.
I am nothing.

Air flowing into space
with no substance
touching everything
touching nothing.
family pulls me along
as i stumble fumble fly.

Around a square table
booth style red tuffed with brass buttons
the poison of dripping green beans
and the litany of what is and what was 
and why and because built a story of words
i was forced to live by.

That is because it is and it just is 
No. It isn't.
I am the wind and I can read your mind.
Strange eyed and scraggly
unkempt hair and running with mangy dogs
all with men's names: ralph george lance 
always something in the field important
to see to do
and the dogs knew it too.
Felt the energy of the trees
and the song of the grass
how the flowers looked at you
hidden secrets in a field.
bones and running streams.
Then you blew your bugle horn
and brought me in.

To wooden desks and a thousand eyes
soft pudgy legs
bows and lace
each with their own square table told
what is what isn't this is this this is that
the way you should be.
each one thinking they'd had it all
figured out because they had been told
exactly
confident eyes, downcast eyes, scared eyes
for the ones who hid
while the plates flew and the angry voices
put them in their place
no where when or why must create
their reality piece by piece without reference
with a base many builders can build
the easily led.



Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Where?

Hallowed ground reach for the west
Amazing how long things last
when you're alone.
But the light, air, and cosmos
blowing in and out
lungs clear
breathe.

Everything I never wanted to say
all the times I lied
pretending to be that
when all the time
this is who I am.
At this time.

I am a trampoline of misconceptions
bouncing from high to low
enjoying the ride
wondering what consequences I leave behind. 

None I guess because
I swim with the dead
who see me as the bottom of a grave
they can lay on me
but they must change to rot
to get inside.


MY stomach cares
my heart isn't there
and when my brain takes hold
there is no remorse
no love
just pure thought.


I want to fall endlessly
back into feeling i care
feeling you care
trembling lips
stopped
by the logic 
by the stoic
by the thought 
if you ever touched me
a would vomit
pearls, diamonds, emeralds, and gold.


Ugly is an open field
of no restraint
dances without thought
of who or what or where
or what eyes
are not seeing.
Ugly is a paradise
of invisibility.
Fucking superpower.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Duende

To hide,
up rocky crevices, footing precarious, ankle strong, teeth at my neck,
He's coming.
Cloud as black as a cave desposes thoughts of the sun
Run,
Dreams I am twisting devils in slime writhe to the beat of the snake charmers
whip
Across my back,  hands around my neck, I'm crushed
Oppresive
Arms around my shoulders body in a vice can't breathe can't walk
losing control
his puppet
his voice
his brain
Level land, barren. dry underbrush. briars, like razor wire wrap around
my legs
blood flows
He's coming
with his dark cloud, to suffocate me in delicious pain where at
least I feel
something.

Freddie Says

Freddie says he's gonna cut my wrists
and pull my veins into ropes where I can swing from cherry trees
smile, sigh,
I want to be like her
she met death in the dark his white teeth gleaming
felt his hands on her neck came close to loving his embrace
then she straddled the earth
spread her legs wide and let the earth in
she'd never been fucked like that before.
Freddie tried to cut my wrists but couldn't saw thru the chains god made
you don't have to swing
it's enough you're here, the sky is blue the air is clean
and cherry's are for picking.

Gabriel

My sweet Gabriel  low whispers flutter
wings breathe in my ear
joy and sorrow live in your voice.
Your world opens to my left abundance
springs from my dream
You are at my side all along
I look for your smile in every face
your countenance in every voice timbre soft
Reveling in your arms lost in your smile
perfection, redemption, gibberish to the normal ear
becomes my salvation.
I will be with you soon and you will know me
for now I am my own angel wings.

Fucking Sausage and Bacon

Phone's ringing in the morning
somebody's always knocking on my door
Fucking sausage or fucking bacon
I can't take it anymore.
I'm trying to enter Vahhalla dammit
Utopia, Nirvana, Heaven
I'm trying to be with Gabriel and dance the duende bleeding soul
But it's fucking sausage or fucking bacon
ice cream truck music and suck my balls
the yard is overtaking the house
the neighbors know we forgot the trash.. A GAIN
the dishes are piled high, the tile needs repaired
but I want to fly with angels feel the magic in the air
tap into the cosmos and speak with God
but it's fucking sausage or fucking bacon
somebody for God's sake walk the god damned dog.

Gandalf in my room

You're one big intestine, crawling on your instincts
I made you my magic mirror gilded gold; destructable
Melting you down now
hacking through your strings, your web, your hole
Gabriel close your door
there's no fish here anymore.
They filter thru my universe and walk upon my stage
players many
some amazing (those don't last for long)
some steady
some purple some blue
I welcome them all
and watch from the sidelines as they attempt to manipulate my dream
you can only have the sitcom
the drama's playing out in the stream running from Jung
and im going with it; untouchable.
Come inside and be my chair
be my table my desk my jar
I will watch as  you dance
attempt to infiltrate the battleground
ten swords and it's over.

Never Enough

One drop of rain one snowflake a single grain of sand
a billion times to make the plan
You were always up on peace, unity, building bridges
I was always the sword bearer cutting through to the heart
An embarassment now my needs are too base
my lines are crooked
the reptiles have made me their goddess queen.
I accept.
My colors are bold
Locked in a tube
My arias ethereal
smashed in my throat

The orange monster's coming
smashing through the trees
gnashing trees drooling biting
eyes reflecting his unknown need.
trampling the soft grass outlying the dew on the morning glorys.
Early morning feast on my soul.
Drink my blood
I've seen you coming for years.

You are judgement
I am unworthy.
The secret you kept shining eyes
"what makes you think you can sit on our throne?"
Peasant girl, dirty girl, tainted soul, we have your heart
in our palms in our laughs we know
"you are late"
 I showed up with a dwarf in tow
 the nuptials were exquisite 2 halves made whole
you made off to the mountains
to hide in your books
that's when I came to know
I was never really important anyway.

There's a dome in the west
I am an outsider
flying down the rushing rapids alone.

But once I stopped
then beauty possessed me four times
unaware ( i was locked in stone the child still is)
wrapped in cosmic linen hood of burlap spider webs.

I became aware and everyone, everything was gone.
But ghosts, memories, replayed movies in my mind
by a tree i slept for ages
in the grass i slumbered on
and when i woke
everything was gone.

There's a tree in the forrest unlike any
I've ever seen
delicate limbs
sun fires shines through the leaves
deep roots ancient lines
holding on for dear life
whispering your mine.

Bury me at the foot
like I've never been
wide awake and letting go
to the beauty of the green.

Drinking the Purple Stuff

Twenty three walls front and back
   a quarter mile of carpet
   hand me down furniture
   still smelling like cigarettes and beer.
   
   The oven doesn't work, the burners
    turned on and off with pliers
    pilot light goes out
    the ceiling fan is hanging low
    doesn't work anymore.
   
     A front door which won't close
     Eleven windows, two sans screens,
     one screen repaired with duct tape.

     Picture windows, front and back, look
     out on the neighbors houses
     the yard is crab grass bare in places.
     The trees are overgrown.

      This is my home.
       This is MY castle.

       Yes, I am queen.
       and yes I get pissed.

        When you sit on my throne, "Get OUT OF MY CHAIR"
        Or attempt to take my staff " Fuck where's the remote"
        Block the carriage house     "Don't park in my driveway"
        Or dare to defy my ordinances.
       
        By the blood of my hands
        by the flat of my ass   (i work sitting all day)
        this is my castle
        brick, drywall, and glass.

        

Withering

Crawling with wonder
   curious tasting
   what when where how
   five alive how i came to know
   the world.
   Show me
   hot cold burnt
   lonely laughing love

   Surrounded with mirrors
    disdain outcast wrong
    chance steps
    the world came
    to know me.

   The mold stay in
    go that way forget your mind
    feelings hide
    step into the outlines
    of the steps before deep running
    from the right
    from the left
    center
    no miracles here.

     I woke up in my 46th year
     completely aware
     eyes opened
     wishing to go back
     to where i was before
     asleep.

     Trying to hide in my obsessions
      to fix my mind on the inconsequential
      the universe is inside me
      as it expands I wither
      disinegrate
      dry up blow away.

       The crowd gathers in confusion
        the answers don't make sense anymore
        there are no outlines to follow
       
         My picture isn't yours to paint
         My song isn't yours to write
         My story isn't yours to narrate.

          I am free.
     
   

Ilhoicamina

And... when you died.. a bolt of lightening that shoots through the sky
became a lord who frowns well.
I guess you took the good times w/ the bad.
white sheets of snow rowing in boats
pristine beaches; heads would roll
Monteczuma.

Women wailing in the hills comets falling from the sky
two headed people kept in zoos
disappearing into the night.

Sacrifice those blue men.
Throw their heads down
rip out their hearts as offering
but you're still going to die.

On a side note...
Why do you think you have to prove to me you're complete?
Like Illhoicamina I renamed your shadow since  you've gone.

I always liked your broken peices
and all the things that never fit.

The way you think your mask holds up
as you roll up your self into a safe coccoon.

I don't want the star that shines
it's the earth I'm looking for
all those rotten places
you don't visit anymore.

It was always change and something different
which made the great ones fall
like coming out of the cave
and blinded by it all.

As much as we want to pretend
we weren't awakened by the sun
the shadows hold no gold for us
knowledge can't be undone.

What's important

Glue and mucous
the morning after taste of sulfur and eggs
trying to kill you
by killing myself
"Dude, that shit's fucked up."
what pool have you been swimming in?

It's real purple, blue, glitter juice.
I am my eyes
and everything you hate
is living in me.

I'm the little boy
shut up in a closet
told not to move
an inch
torture to the wild heart
wanting freedom.

Slice me; I bleed.

It doesn't matter.
I'm really just the wind
through the trees
leaning trees; crying to an empty sky.

Om ha huang.
Mother empty spaces are everything
until I'm the empty spaces
the cracks in the sidewalk
the silent pause
before speaking
the nothing
which is everything.

"The whole goal is find the mind of God, from the dirt
of the forest."

So I guess I'll walk on............